Death or Love?

I normally don't post blogs so early in the morning but 1. I'm bored 2. I haven't posted one in a while. I haven't been feeling myself lately I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe its fact that I'm not a kid anymore. I'm a college student and can be charged as an adult and everywhere around me celebrities are dying. Why do people have to die anyway? I fear death more than I fear anything else. I'm extremely senestive when talking about death and I mean extremely. Just a little discussion about death can set me off. It's setting me off right now too. I wish could be immortal like Edward Cullen lol. I want someone to prove to me that reincarnation is true or that heaven is true. I want some to prove to me there is no darkness and there is after life. Why can't we prove that? Why is it so hard to prove? I don't want to fear death. I want my life to be happy. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep and twitching everytime I think about death. I'm tired of hiding my true feelings to everyone. I wish people could understand me better because right now no one understands me but my teddy bears. Right now Metallica is stuck in my head "Hold my breath as I wish for death or please G-D help me!" "Hold my breath as I wish for death oh please G-D save me!". Thats exactly what I need to be saved. Who is going to save me? The only person who can make me happy is the person who actually makes me feel sad later on. The only thing I hate more than death is love. Love is so confusing. How can I crush on a guy for 4 straight years? This guy is never going to be interested in my why can't I move on like I did with all my other crushes? Whats so special about this one guy that I can't move on. FML!!!!!!