vent

I need to vent so here it goes. I was having a talk with friends who did help me out quite a bit but I still feel like venting it here. I regret my past, well some of my past anyways. I sometimes wish I could go back in time and change some things around. I stress too much about my present. I'm too stressed with work and school. I only have school Wednesday and Friday and then the rest of the days I go to work. I feel like I work way too much but when I try to get days off or ask for a little less hours I end up getting more! I'm not doing so good in my reading class there is like no luck in me passing at all and for my math class I'm working my ass off to pass it. I think though I might just take a break not go back for fall semester or spring maybe we'll see then but all I know is I want to take a break from school focus on making money I might try to take up a second job again. I just need another place to hire me. My present isn't the only thing that stresses me out. I also get stressed about my future if anything I fear my future. I worry too much and that leads to me getting kind of depressed in a way. I have this huge fear of death. Every night I get so worked up on my future and stuff that I start to twitch if you put it that way. I kick a lot, I punch my walls, kinda twitch my arms, and scream into my pillow. Sometimes I even start crying half the time crying myself to sleep. I am really afraid of going to sleep and never waking up that's why half the time I stay up as late as I can until I just need that rest. I really shouldn't worry about that not sure why I do but when I'm alone it seems to get really bad. I'm fine when with people that's why I always want to be with friends. I don't like sleeping alone so I either want to be with my boyfriend or at least sleep with my stuffed animals.

updating

Yea so I had to reset my password again but this time I wont forget it it. Right now I'm watching Glee season one. I missed most of the episodes so I'm trying to catch up. I recently found out from a friend that Justin admited to dating me for 5 years love the fact he never admited it to me or admited around me to others, but then I'm also told he did what he did because he thought I moved too fast for him but whaever I'm done with him now I still love him but more like a brotherly way now. Lets talk about my new boyfriend now. His names Mike and like I said in my last blog we've been together since 9/20/10. Next Wednesday is going to be our seven month aniversary. I love him more than anything he was there for me when I was heartbroken and gave me a meaning to love again when I thought I'd never find a guy again after all I just went through. Back to Glee, I can't believe all the drama I've been missing I think I might have missed all of season one. I'm on episode thirteen right now. I'm loving it though I really like Glee and want to be caught up with it. Although I missed a lot of episodes in season two so I might need to try to catch up on that season too then catch up on season three when that one comes up =p. I'm willing to do it for Glee because this show is worth it besides John Stamos appears quite a bit in season two! I love John Stamos! He's looking so good right now for his age can't belive how much he's changed since Full House!