fucking piece of shit!

I think I mentioned before about someone who I call "Load of Shit". I need some venting about this asshole. My bestfriend who is like a sister to me dated him for a bit and hated it. I knew this douche bag since 4th grade always sensed he was no good and he proved me right last year. He is a controlling asshole who does not know how to treat a woman. He constatnly told my friend that she was not allowed to see anyone but him. He forced her to drop all her friends and always wanted to know where she was or what she was doing. If she was out he wanted to know who she was with. He got mad if she didn't reply back to his texts or call him every second of the day. My experience with him back in elementary school was that he was very selfish he only came over to play my video games and nothing else. He hogged my playstation one time and would not let my cousins or my brothers play. If he wasn't playing games he talked about foot jobs and blow jobs and his fucking foot fettish. Even now with my best friend dumping him and trying to get him out of her life. He is not leaving her alone. He is constantly threating her and saying that he wants her back. He wants to have a child with her and make her stay with him. He fucking raped her while she was knocked out from a spiked drink! He calls me a slut, a fat whale, and a whore. He's nicknamed me lardbut and called me that our whole childhood. He has no idea how to treat a woman what so ever! He says the next time he sees me he wants to beat me up. I never did anything to him and he is threatening me! He would of never met my friend if it weren't for me to begin with. He repays us by turning into a complete asshole. He needs to be locked up in jail for harassment against my best friend and threatening others as well. He's an abuser and a pyscho. I never hated anyone so much in my life as much as I hate this douche bag! I'm tired of hearing all this bullshit my friend is telling me only because she does nothing to even stop it! She keeps crying to me he's harassing her or threatening her. She says he says stuff about me and others. He started a rumor that I was pregnant. He even said he wished me and my boyfriend at the time would go die in a ditch somewhere. He is so lucky I'm a pacisfist. Even if I ever did see his face again I would be the better person and not stoop to his level and fight him because viloence is never the answer and fighting will only make things worse. If he ever does lay a hand on me or any of my friends while I'm around I'm going to call the cops on his ass and hope he gets locked up for life. I'm going to sit back and wait for karma to take revenge on his pathetic little ass.

some more venting

Wanted to get some vents out and just be random since it's been a while since my last post. I broke up with my boyfriend and that moment relieved so much stress for me. My only problem is I think I'm obsessed with Justin again. I never stopped loving him no matter how hard I tried to stop. It kills me inside that he doesn't feel the same way. I was talking to some friends before about it and actually crying to them too. With justin I feel like he really is the one and I really don't wana be with anyone but him. I was in full out tears asking myself what is wrong with me that Justin doesn't want me as a girlfriend. I really don't understand why he doesn't love me the same why that I love him. I would give almost anything in the world to be his girlfriend. The only thing I wouldn't give is my own life. No girl is willing to that for a guy either. He doesn't even realize he has a girl who is willing to almost anything just to have a chance with him. I love him so much and want to be with him so bad and I make it so obivious too but he is just too clueless to notice. He told me many times he only sees me as a friend and wants to stay friends. I told him I understand and accept that but really it is still very hard for me. Like said it really kills me more and more each day that I can't be with him in that way. Sometimes I feel as if I should just give up all together. I thought I was happy when I was with Mike. I was for a while but once I realized to myself that I still loved Justin and couldn't stop no matter how much I told myself to move on I couldn't. I really don't understand why I can't move, why my love for Justin has lasted for so long unlike the other high school crushes I've had. I've loved Justin since 2006 and today this day I still love him. I love him more and more each time I see him. I dream every day and wish every day that one day we can finally be together as boyfriend and girlfriend. The day that, that day comes I will most likely be the happiest person in the whole entire world. I wish like every night and hope one day the wish will come true.

having some anxiety

So I have a lot going on my mind lately. Mostly its my anxiety issues. A friend and myself are planning this whole week birthday celebration. We are trying to book a beach house for 3 nights. We have this one set up but I don't have the money to make a deposit for it. My boyfriend said he'd do it to help us out but to be honest I'm not sure if he will. He recently told me he feels as if he agreed to that too quickly and feels as if he's just not sure anymore. Had a big moment where he felt all depressed and asked me what I saw in him. He thinks I deserve so much better. I'm honestly getting tired of these moments he gets into. They caused us to break up and make up twice already. I really can't handle it anymore. I don't like the feeling of knowing when those moods will come and we break up again. I don't know how to break up though because I really hate being the dumper. I can't stand to hurt people. I do still care about him a lot but I would really prefer to be friends. I can't handle it. I have an aspburger brother and a bi polar brother each having their own issues. After awhile having a boyfriend with aspburgers as well it sometimes gets a little too much for me to handle. I have to deal with my own anxiety too. I don't know why I fear death so much but I do and it causes me to get so worked up about it. Sometimes I'm terrified of going to sleep because I'm so afraid of never waking up. There are times I even cry myself to sleep because of it.

some venting and then some randomness

So I vented first on my facebook status because my best friend/facebook sister told me a few things her ex has said about me. This what my status said, "Fucking bitch got no right to call me an ugly fat slut or whale. You never nickname a girl 'lard butt' you fucking asshole. Wishing me and my boyfriend to go die in a ditch? Well you know what? I wish the same fucking thing to you, you fucking son of a bitch!! You can Tisaref B' Azazel (burn in hell)" The "Tisaref B' Azazel" is burn in hell in Hebrew, hence the parentheses. Then someone asked me who I was talking about so I said this, "An ex friend I've known since 4th grade his new name from now on is Dan Load-of-Shit. He can seriously Tisaref B' Azazel for all I care! He is the only one person I truly hate with a passion. I condemn everything about him!! Load of shit is the epitome of all assholes" I used a few of my vocab words from reading class in there. I also think Load of Shit is very belligerent. ( Another vocab word meaning hostile)If I ever saw him I am sure I would be very belligerent to him for everything he has done to my best friend and for the shit he has said about me. He tried to start a rumor that I was pregnant and that was around the time I thought I might have actually been. He did not know that though he just wanted to try and start that because he apparently hates me now. I could care less if he hates me because I hate him too. Enough of the venting and now on to my randomness. In a previous post I mentioned how I have tried everything on the McDonald's menu except the fillet fish sandwich. Well I finally tried it and to be honest it is not all that bad. Not something I would get all the time while at McDonald's but would not mind having it every once in a while. So now I can officially say I have tried everything on the menu.

long time

So yea it has been a very long time since I posted here so I decided I would make an entry. I am currently watching the movie "Super Size Me". I has been making me think about certain things. One is that sadly, it really is making me crave a super size french fry. Mcdonalds no longer serves super size though because of this movie. The second thing is that it mentioned how its like a kid's dream to have mcdonalds like everyday. That made me think of my childhood and remembering when you would go to mcdonalds and love playing in the play place. I remember the play place always being packed and always having a birthday party. I barely see that today the play places are always empty now. I remember in the 1st grade my mom bought mcdonalds for my whole class and brought it in for my birthday. I just still find it sad how the movie is making me crave a super size. One thing I don't want to think about when eating mcnuggets is that they are made from old chickens that can no longer lay eggs. I think I might have had everything on the mcdonalds menu at least more then once through out my life time but the one thing I never had and doubt I ever will is the fish fillet sandwich only because I am not a fan of seafood. The more I watch this movie the more I miss super size! That is just really sad. I remember one day when I was a little younger, on a driving trip to Virginia with my family, I ordered a big mac super size combo and was still hungry. My mom was very shocked about that but would not let me eat anything else that day. I wonder if any mcdonalds still sells super size because I have not seen or heard of super size since the movie came out. I remember the days when a kids meal would fill me up now I could probably eat 4. I never tested how many kids meals I could actually eat I never tested it and do not think I want to test it. :p I remember when mcdonalds did not post nutrition on their foods. The movie is just sick that the guy gained 17 pounds in only 12 days of mcdonalds. I think I will end this post now because I really do not know what else to write.