really can't take this anymore

The other night I had a big melt down because of many issues. I feel like sometimes running away, far way and not come back. I want to be independant and do things on my own pay my own bills and what not. My dad stil pays for everything becuase in reality I can't afford any of it. My car insurance, health insurance, phone bills. I can't afford my own house or an apartment. I can't afford electricity bills, plumbing bills any type of bills. I cant do anything on my own and it kills me inside. Also to my parents I'm this perfect little angel but truth is I've hidden so much from them because I am afraid of them knowing the truth. Because of one lie I had made my mom hates the one guy who means to the world to me and in order to fix it I need to confess but I'm so afraid to because I know for a fact I'd be in so much trouble for that lie especially cause its been so long since it happened. I really don't know what to do anymore all the childhood dreams I have had are destroyed all my life goals I had for myself by this age destroyed as well. I really don't know what I want to do in life anymore. I really feel like giving up everything. I would never stoop down to committing suicide but sometimes I feel like somehow I just want to end my life or start all over. All the thoughts racing through my head of wanting to drop my family out of my life really hurts me. The fears I have of growing old and dying I want to end. I just want to die to end those fears! I'm almost 22 years old now and the fact that my life feels like such a mess right now I just don't know what I want to do anymore. My brother just did something to help me out but because of that he has our mom mad at him and I don't want anyone mad at anyone. I don't want all this hate going around. I can't stand having people hate me or having people mad at me. Now I feel that my mom being mad at my brother is all my fault! Just because I wanted company of someone. The one guy who knows how to always cheer me up and make me feel better, that one guy that my mom hates because of that one lie that haunts me now because my mom won't forget that moment. I was so terrified of mom knowing the truth that I suffer from it now.