Bitches need to shutup

I try to be nice to people I really do. I try giving them chances but all I do is get hurt. People have no right going off on me when you barely know me. One thing I hate the most is when someone talks shit about me when I'm like right there then you approach me say stuff leave and talk more shit like seriously? The fact that you are 50 something years old and you are talking shit about me? How fucking immature can you be?!? You're daughter isn't any better I must say. You claim you give me a chance I give you the chance but you go behind my back to someone else saying stuff how I apparently make you uncomfortable by scratching somebodies back? I'm sorry but I didn't know that was a crime! You can seriously kiss my ass I'm done with this bull shit and the fact that you are way older then me and start this kind of shit really says something. Acting worse then people in my so called group who apparently live off drama and fights. I can never ever get away from this fucking drama. I need to get away and that trip to Israel my mom spoke to me about at one time sounds better and better to me these days. I would be gone for a whole year celebrating all the holidays in Israel living my dream and feeling connected once again with my religion celebrating Shabbat knowing everyone around me is celebrating it as well. Hopefully I could learn more Hebrew as well. I know I'd miss my friends but there are some friends I just need a break from need to get away forget about for a little bit. I really at to go to Israel but I'm very afraid to be away from home for so long. The only thing gets me motivated is I would be able to try and or do some of the things I said I wanted to do but couldn't do in the 10 days I was there or even think of doing until I was home. The downside that makes me question on going is the way I am around new people. I can be shy and sometimes antisocial. I'm always afraid of saying too much or too less. I'm afraid of being judged by something I say. I'm afraid of people judging me before giving me a chance. In all honesty that is the story of my life. I was always picked on by people who decided right off the bat they hated me and made my life a living hell in school. I barely had any friends when I was little. I didn't start making real friends until I was at least 13. Sure I had friends but it seemed limited and even then the way I got treated I didn't know who I could trust because I felt like everybody around me was an enemy destroying my self-esteem more and more each year. Those people fucked up my life made me who I am today in a way. Honestly I don't know if it was for the good or the bad the way I got. Some may be for the good while others for the bad. I just feel like I am getting so fed up with everything going on that I want it all to end I don't really care anymore. I've seriously had enough and I want to give up. I wonder if anybody would even miss me or would even care if I was even around half the time. When you can't go to your family for certain issues you know you have issues. I've said all I can say I really don't know what else to say right now without rambling on into randomness so this vent is done.